Geostorm (2017)

geostorm 1

You get what you expect with Geostorm. I mean, just take a look at the trailer – we all know this wasn’t going to be a cinematic masterpiece, but I at least expected a little, light hearted entertainment?

‘When the network of satellites designed to control the global climate starts to attack Earth, it’s a race against the clock to uncover the real threat before a worldwide Geostorm wipes out everything and everyone.’ – Usually I write my own synopsis but I couldn’t even muster the enthusiasm to do that – so copied this from IMDB.

This movie is filled with such a mixed bag of actors. There really is the good, the bad and the ugly.  I mean the good is probably only Ed Harris and I honestly don’t know why on earth he ever agreed to be in this film! Jim Sturgess is bearable, but he could do with a good haircut. Abbie Cornish did what she could with what she was given and the rest of them should’ve just read the script and chucked it in the bin.

Gerard Butler hasn’t been in a good movie since … well I can only think of a handful of roles of his I’ve actually enjoyed. He must be offered different things so why does he keep choosing this crap?

Hold on though, I haven’t even got to the worst of the worst yet – ROBERT SHEEHAN! His accent in this movie rivals Don Cheadle’s in the Ocean’s movies. It is so unbearable to listen to I was close to covering my ears.

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This really wasn’t a natural disaster movie, there was nothing natural about it, it’s just pure disaster.

It tried too many things at once and although it seemed to copy most of it’s ideas from movies of the past – it missed the most important thing which is to pick your disaster and stick with it.

It stole scenes and even what sounded like parts of script, from other movies. In fact some of the ‘disaster’ scenes could’ve been reused from other movies – there was nothing original about them at all.

Am I being too harsh? No, I don’t think I am. I am a huge fan of these types of films but it just seemed so far fetched and over acted that I couldn’t help but laugh.

The cringe was over flowing and although I don’t want to reveal any spoilers; watch out for what Ute says near the end of the movie, the one liner physically made me shudder. (Also I just had to Google the character’s name as everyone is so disposable).

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Like I touched on before Ed Harris isn’t terrible, but I feel that to some extent he’s been type cast recently and you know what you’re going to get with him, which leaves no room for surprise.

I’m trying to really rack my brain for some positives but I’m mostly drawing blanks here…

The opening few scenes were kind of promising, but 20 minutes in this seems like a distant memory and the cringe fest begins.

I was actually going to give this a 5, but I checked out my rating system and realised that this is a lot lower.

3/10 – There’s no denying it’s bad, but it almost touches on being entertaining. This mainly comes from the elements stolen from other movies. I would never choose to watch it again and I’d advise everyone to stay at home and watch Armageddon instead.

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